so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
