it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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