my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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