so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
