I must be too annoying 4 u.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
