Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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