Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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