her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
