i love accidental penises.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I touched a dick in church today
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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