I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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