im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
