Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's never too late to be topless.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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