ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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