what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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