Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
