On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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