Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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