He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
