i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
