Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
