Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
