Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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