Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
