if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
