After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
