Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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