Taylor Swift is so right about you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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