i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
