Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
