Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
