he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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