HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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