when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
