I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
