I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
