Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
