THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
They have beer where we have blood.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
