We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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