I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
