i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
