This dress was meant to end up on your floor
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
