Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i think im in europe. pls send help
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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