just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
