Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
