I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
