Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
