dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
