ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
