Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
