Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
