Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
