my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
