forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
