Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
