I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
