I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
