He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
