shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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