What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
