We won't sleep together?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
