bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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