If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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