Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
