How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize