she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
