Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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