No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
