I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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