Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
