I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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