I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
