Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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